Sunday, June 21, 2015

A Fatherless Father’s Day

daddyboys

So here we are June 21, 2015. Our first Father’s Day without Larry. Our first Father’s Day with out my dad.

There is silence.  Do you hear it? It looms over me every day. The silence of these men who were such an integral part of my life is deafening.

There is emptiness. An aching and deep, deep loneliness. A vast empty space that cannot be filled.

There are tears.  Tears that I barely allow to be shed, because if I give them free reign, I will completely fall apart.  But they are there lurking at the surface just waiting for an opportunity to make an appearance. 

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Father’s Day is a day to honor the men in our lives who love us and whom we love. Who have nurtured us and taught us helped to mold us into the people are today or will soon become. 

My boys have been cheated of their dad. Cheated of time they should have had with him. Time with him to grow and learn and become the men they are meant to be.  I cannot fill Larry’s shoes, although I will try and help my boys to the best of my ability to be good men, Godly men, gentlemen.  I remind them that their dad taught them so much even in the short time they had with him. He taught them to love, to laugh, to mourn, to show respect, to love and help others.  To love Jesus.  Larry was truly a great guy and a gentlemen through and through.

I can only hope that the men in their lives will step in and help to fill that place that Larry left behind in teaching them what I cannot.  That has already started to happen. I see it in the support system I have in church, the fire company and friends and family. I am thankful and blessed that I have such support. Words can never express my deep love and appreciation I have for these men.

My own dad taught me many things as I shared here. I MISS him.

I do know that while the boys and I no longer have an earthly father, here with us, we do have a heavenly father who loves us more than even our earthly fathers could.  That seems hard to believe but I know it is true. He gave up HIS son so we could have an eternal relationship with Him. That is love.  

Sing praises to God and to his name!
Sing loud praises to him who rides the clouds.
His name is the Lord—
rejoice in his presence!

Father to the fatherless, defender of widows—
this is God, whose dwelling is holy.

Psalm 68: 4&5

2 comments:

Owlhaven said...

SO hard. Hang in there....praying for peace for you and guidance for the boys, and that just the right people will minister in their lives at just the right time. God is faithful and He is able to complete the work that He began in their lives.
Hugs,
Mary

Anonymous said...

Sending you hugs, Michele. What a horribly heartbreaking year you have had. You & your boys are in my heart.

-- Stacia (from the FIAR board & Goodreads)